When to let go

Date September 26, 2012

As a parent, you do your best to raise your children right.  The funny thing is, even if you do raise them the same way, the results are not always the same.  I think we are all aware of this but it confuses us just the same; when one child falls more upon the difficult or challenge spectrum than the other.

My problem is that I tend to take the job of Mom very seriously (don’t we all RAWR).  By that I mean, if my child isn’t performing up to my expectations, then I have failed as a parent.  All kids are different and all kids will respond to various suggestions, threats, disciplines, you name it, in vastly different ways.  That fact is something I find difficult to comprehend.  And it has been eating me alive.  At what point do I let go, and let the child experience the consequences of their actions?  At what point do I say, “the onus is on you, and you alone?”

That being said, I realize that my constant harping and reminding is not going to help my child in the future.  When said child does not want to listen or do what they are expected to do to succeed in school, and I have bent over backwards to help, I come to the conclusion that the only thing I can do is let them find out what will happen on their own.  How many times can I offer help and be refused?  How many times (by the child’s request) can I get a detailed list of what is needed to pass a class from the teacher (bless their heart) only to be told that they (the child) are taking care of it?

I have passed this task on to my other half now, because I was going insane.  And my health was suffering.  And I was self medicating with wine to help me hold my  composure in the face of defiance, attitude, and downright disrespect.  Was this decision easy?  Heck no!  Do I still feel that I need to interfere when I don’t think my other half is doing the right thing?  Heck yes. I’m really trying to keep my mouth shut.  It’s not easy.

So now I wait.  And I chew my fingernails down to the nubbins.  And I bite my tongue.  And I stay the hell away from it.  I know that is the right thing to do, but man, it is so hard.

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One Response to “When to let go”

  1. Tammy said:

    Oh do I feel you. It’s weird how kids can be so DIFFERENT. My first two were easy (and one’s a girl, one’s a boy, so sex has nothing to do with it). My youngest….she’s kicking my ass. No matter what I say, she basically does what she wants. She marches to a different drummer. I can’t even yell too loud, because I did the same thing. All I can do is pray. I turned out ok. I have to have faith that she will, too.

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